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It's not like it's real is it?
 
Dangerously intelligent with a healthy dollop of sarcasm, cynicism and on a good day humour. But to be honest it's just me, nothing special, just having a bit of a wonder.
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The tricky second meet
Posted:Apr 18, 2021 11:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2021 9:33 pm
61 Views

Well I enjoyed it. It was..... nice.. but I guess not happen again which I’m just a tiny bit .... ok massively hugely gutted about. I guess my idea of massively hugely awesome sex was not the same as candidate 2. Just off lick my wounds and read up on the ‘how be good at sex a’ boo 😂
0 Comments
I’ve peaked!!!
Posted:Apr 17, 2021 3:23 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2021 1:59 pm
368 Views

I have a top fan!!!!! Yay !!!
5 Comments
New status alert!!!
Posted:Apr 17, 2021 2:43 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2021 4:44 am
155 Views

So as you will know if you have read anything I’ve previously written, I am an absolute techno twat!! But after 48 hours and I shit you not.... I’m promoting myself techno twit, impressive huh!! Now I’m not taking this step lightly, however with only the minimal of help (read copious crying and generally humiliating myself in front of anyone who might be techno savvy, and yes I do mean the neighbours 8 year old who rolled her eyes out loud on me when I asked her if this was the text icon...) I have managed transfer albeit manually most of the info from one phone another, and it wasn’t easy, it was like a mixed race marriage old phone Samsung, new phone iPhone!!! But I think I’m nearly there now, I’m gradually switching off apps and logging on with new phone!! I’m so super impressed with myself.. keep telling you.. low standards usually achieved.., eventually!!

Which makes a smooth transition into...

Again if you read anything from my previous ramblings, I like to keep you up to date at chez jo’s. you will know that I’m really quite new to this being single malarkey and to this end, in a desperate bid from being left humiliated and heartbroken (hubby did that quite beautifully last sept, not looking for it to happen again anytime soon, although I did lose a gratifying amount of weight... every cloud...) I digress.. I have developed a fool proof interview technique for future candidates (fuck buddies, future victims sounds so crass) this interview technique so far consists of a few stages, intro and small talk via appalling messaging service on the site. When I’m suitably frustrated about the time it takes to properly I then move onto stage 2, which involves giving telephone number for my what’s app (different number to the real one I normally use. Think of it as a burner phone... (I know what I’m talking about here, I’ve watched the wire and homeland) and then if you are really unlucky, and it’s only happened twice, there is what I like term the summons. Now even the summons doesn’t mean you get a shag, because then I do a face face meeting, with added ambient lighting (very subdued I look better in near darkness) and alcohol, cos deep down, or even not that deep I am absolutely shitting myself.... now this has only happened twice, gloss over the first one. 2nd candidate huge improvement... which leads me beautifully into....,(it’s like being a DJ, my links are getting so much better)

Candidate number 2. The 2nd summons. (Second cumming?)
Now I’m really not sure how this works, last time I had no idea of what he was like, how much of a disappointment I would be to him.. or what the protocol was from getting candidate from doorstop to bed. I’m not sure my approach was the standard protocol, but I went with the casual look. For casual read long shirt, no undies. No undies cos I don’t wear them, long shirt because I didn’t think he would show be honest and I didn’t want feel a fool. So I dressed in usual evening attire, picture the scene, i receive a message saying where was my house, so I say I’m standing at the door just drive past and you will see me when you drive past. So I’m stood in the doorway, scantly dressed and he drives past, looks at me and carries driving. Things were obviously worse than I’d realised. Anyway after much cajoling he came back and it has be said, I didn’t throw him out of bed... no matter how much he pleaded with me to let him go (well it had been a long time and frankly I was gagging for it) so the dilemma is... how do I prepare for the second round? I’m definitely going have shave my legs.... went for a swim yesterday and thought I was emerging from the lack in a mermaid like way, until I looked down at my legs see a bit of seaweed hanging a follicle!!! Not my best look, more creature from the lagoon, than mermaid. Sorry I wandered off there!! So do I my game and put proper clothes , and make , bearing in mind both were woefully lacking the first summons! And he has volunteered for more, Or do I keep him thinking I’m just the slovenly type who doesn’t make it out of pj’s???
0 Comments
Can't think what to call this one.
Posted:Apr 15, 2021 6:27 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2021 10:18 am
362 Views

Since it's now silly o'clock in the morning and I'm up in a few hours anyway I thought I'd take a look at the technical bits on this here site. I have a by line..... I know!!! Me!!! Techno twat is growing up. In almost feel like I have an 'ology' (lost on the youngsters, but for me Maureen Lipton was a goddess) I'm so proud, it really is the little things in life.

Size isn't everything after all. ..... Yeah right.... If it's not length, girth is always good (never going to say no to that) if you are positively chipolata, then make it chipolata with attitude, no one likes a sad, sorry and grumpy chipolata. Live life on the edge make it the most arrogant chipolata on the block, something others can only imagine from afar..... Well probably not that far... Not in reality.

Now when it comes to boobs I feel I can talk with some authority, for years untold everyone I was a 36 dd. Actually that makes me sound like I used to run up to people telling them what my bust size was like a form of tourettes. I didn't honest. I shall clarify, if asked, I would say I was a 36dd, cos that sounded, largeish and firm with cheeky perky nipples, and I'm fairly sure the page 3 girls always seemed to specialise in that size. So where was I going with this?? Yes right so basically I didn't have a scoobies and made it up. Fast forward into Victoria's secret, to buy a cheeky little bondage style bra , it's suggested by what seemed a 14 year old assistant to get measured properly so I can see if they have my size. Do you know I didn't even know you could get EEE size (not as in eee lass that's a pair of knockers on you) needless to say Victoria's secret don't cater for outsized chesticles. Bit ironic really cos my 36EEE's needed some firm bondage style bra, my puppies are always going to need strict discipline . Those girls with dainty little buds will never experience the same unruliness....

So just in case anybody was wondering, intense, firm thighed stamina blessed lover of my dreams hasn't arrived on my doorstep just yet..... Gonna hold out another couple of days and then lower the standards....
3 Comments
Wombling wordy number 3
Posted:Apr 14, 2021 10:35 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2021 4:25 am
313 Views

I can tell already that you are more than a little impressed by the imaginative title, I'm not gonna lie, I didn't want peak too soon, therefore any little gems of the written word still have the opportunity to burst out and confound you with wit, humour and a delicate sprinkle of sarcasm. Failing that you might just kill 5 mins before that internal audit you have been putting off all week gets started.

Fortunately last week's man seems to be still talking to , which means:A) he can't/doesn't read, or he is so super cool about being last week's sex god that it's like water of a ducks back ( please not that, only one thing worse than an awesome sex god, is shagging someone who knows they are awesome) or worse c) he is waiting see how the performance rating goes before he claims the next female weirdo. (Yes I am that weirdo, no one said anything about being normal) If that's the case I think I have a cunning plan (anyone for black adder?) An automatic mark down system, possibly descending into the negatives, I'm not having someone who knows they are good, goddamn I need a bit of effort here!! Which leads me onto..... Just how much effort do you go to when meeting someone new? I'm presuming brushing teeth and spraying eau de dishwater vaguely round the nethers is standard? Nope just me then..... Or do you really push the boat out and shave legs, under arms and chin (yes I am talking to the folically blessed menopausal females amongst us) do we shoehorn ourselves into clothes we think the visiting party might like, or do we stand in the door way in a baggy shirt half baked in the desperate hope that someone drives past? Hmmmm again just me then..

Not entirely sure where I'm going with this, so bare with me, I have been awake since 4:30 am so could be a little delerious, but I had been scrolling through films to stare at... Not watch as I'm not really awake, when my attention was grabbed by about 6 foot of muscle ..... Now I hadn't really rated Daniel Day Lewis previously but to my sleep deprived eyes, and becoming more interested and harder by the minute chesticles , the man previously known as the last Mohican became the epitome of yummy Ness. Powerful thighs, stamina and an intensity that is hornier than any cock pic became the standard I am now thinking is a pre requisite for operation shag me!!!!

Too much to ask? Impossible standards ? Or.... ' really are you that deluded you dozy bugger'

Maybe after a decent night's sleep I'd settle for Albert steptoe? Don't knock it, he has a thriving business, owns his own drawn carriage, loves animals and has a family business to pass on...... I should be so lucky......
2 Comments
Wombling wordy number 2
Posted:Apr 12, 2021 5:08 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2021 1:29 pm
376 Views

So I have a confession to make, I am a complete techno twat .... There I have said it, don't judge I feel inadequate enough as it is. I would have come back to do another blog earlier, but could I find this bit? Could I fuckery!! So anyway I'm here now and I think I might be able to do it again as I've written down instructions on how to find it again, a bit like the aa route finder thingy, yay ill take that as a minor win. So my next challenge.... will i be able to set myself a name for this bloggy thing or do I have to set a new title each time thereby losing my followers (currently numbered at about 5) which incidentally I found could leave comments, I was thrilled, not one of them contained the phrases my cock, your tits or can I? It was like dead grown up!!!

My week on.... Yes only a week but I feel I have grown and am so much more worldly. I'm slightly more clued up about the knicker thing and I'm going to be honest, I'm excited!!! Initially i was a little sceptical and more than a little confused. But apparently you can sell the for £30 a shot KERCHINGGGG!!! Now another confession, and again no judgements please. But I very rarely wear them but I am not going to stop that interfering with my new businesses venture. To this end I have worn some to work, people I am in business!!! Please direct all enquiries to......

And now to the really important stuff, this is a sex site after all, I've had two meets, I won't say anything about the first one to protect the innocent, and I'm hoping he recovers from the encounter soon.... The second was a game of two halves, he was thoroughly interviewed and vetted and even passed on the always tricky 'send a photo of you right now', I was thoroughly cheesed off to see he still looked a little bit gorgeous and I still fancied him, and as such he received a summons. After more face to face interviewing lasting 3 hours a kiss things rapidly descended into 9 hours of holy mother of god this is amazing. Obviously I didn't tell him this as I'd hate him to think I was a) a pushover (7 hours of interviewing not withstanding) b) desperate or c) a woman of clearly low standards (but I find always achievable) I don't think he noticed me desperately clinging onto his left leg when he tried once again to leave after 11 hours with me sobbing piteously I wanted more....... Obviously he doesn't know he was amazing and I'm just hoping he doesn't read this and think it's him....

However as I sat later that evening seriously debating whether to coat the pussy and left nipple in ice-cream to ease the throbbing (decided the cinder toffee in the thunder and lightening ice-cream might cause unnecessary irritation) I came to the conclusion that the vigerous vetting technique was a definite goer.

So the moral dilemma I leave you with is..... Is it sociably or even morally acceptable to set up a 'go fund me page' on Adult Friend Finder is hookup site with a lot of sexually explicit content is hookup site with a lot of sexually explicit content so I can buy myself a new laptop as I have already dropped this previously unblemished tablet twice now and the screen is horribly smashed. Which in itself isn't too bad on the scale of the shite in the world (RIP HRH) but through the screen it looks like some men have horribly disfigured cocks and frankly have strange shoes to them which don't seem entirely natural!!!

So all answers on a post card to.......
1 comment
Wombling wordy
Posted:Apr 7, 2021 10:00 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2021 4:29 pm
716 Views

Less than 24 hours on the site and as shallow as I am, my ego has been boosted, thank goodness for sex hungry humans. So my question is...... Are there genuinely nice people looking for the one? Is it just a Shag fest, no feelings no emotions needed? And what is the going rate for a pair of used panties? Is there a certain style or size preferred? More importantly how do you navigate through this world? What do I do with any gifts? So is it ok to admit you don't know something or am I setting myself up with a big fat since hat on?
7 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
I’ve peaked!!! (5)MrWrong4RghtNow
Apr 18, 2021 7:19 am
Can't think what to call this one. (4)Massass1963
Apr 16, 2021 6:17 am
Wombling wordy number 3 (2)agelesssexylegs
Apr 16, 2021 12:23 am
Wombling wordy number 2 (1)kindofblue58
Apr 12, 2021 11:03 am
Wombling wordy (7)kindofblue58
Apr 12, 2021 10:55 am